9th October 09 – That was the (credit) year that was
There were some poor folk across the pond
and a cold shiver is slowly wending
The Fed puts up the interest rate ‘cause
there’s been some very lax lending.
The credit checks were not that sound, housing
market collapses,
with assets bundled up and sold,
Sold in securitised packages.
If you’re the buyer, it’s not your fault
The world’s like a ram on the tup,
but some clever sods in some distant bank
just sold you the world’s biggest pup.
US bean-counters quickly make the great money bets
Although historical records will tell
that $700bn of green backs for bank toxic debts
went some place else, and a bit extra as well.
Back home in Blighty and in the Brown stuff
we’re a match for the old Yankee troopers,
£500bn of huff and of puff (37% of our entire GDP)
- Come on Europe, wake up, follow suit,
Don’t play the old party poopers.
But No 1 i.e. Germany is not on our side
Not that Keynesian you see,
Yet, by the time this year is played out,
as before, they are down on one knee.
Spain is a shame, the Costas are missed
We went there each year to get pissed,
But with apartments all built on sand
unemployment is now15% and the casa takes 65%
of that hard-earned cash in hand.
Ireland is green, and perhaps a bit green
to guarantee all bank deposits and bail out
its three biggest banks,
but, caught twixt a rock and a hard place
(in euros up to its shanks) since
it exports to us and to US
whose currency takes quite a slating,
so Standard & Poor think, ta very much Mik,
we’ll grab back your AAA rating.
The UK now enters the second dark ages,
its economists spout forth as if new-age sages,
but theory is theory and like lambs to the slaughter,
output drops by 6.4%, and in one single quarter.
Shopkeepers are we and we used to ride high
but gone dear old Woolworths, and gone MFI.
The Brown stuff awakes “try fiscal” says he
and knocks 2.5% (temporarily) of the VAT.
Shareholders are bleeding, bleeding faces like thunder,
Why? 2008, down 34% - The Footsie 100.
Ever a silver lining, here’s one little beauty,
UK Treasury is down £6bn as house sales pan,
down on insidious stamp duty.
We had four banks that now are two, so you would
think competition needs no more glue.
Though not so. The Brown stuff says “waive that aside, I’ve £17bn
riding the new Lloyds Banking Group’s backside.”
It looks bad, it feels bad, there’s no good, you’ll see,
and no good there was, for shareholders like me.
No tale of woe is complete without its rogues.
We heard the word Ponzi and sorry, what did you say?
I said pay out today what you got in yesterday.
It’s easy and simple, just bluff and don’t flaff,
Security regulation? You are having a laugh.
Madoff made off and guilty the plea
while Stanford played cricket with wives on a knee.
When folks stop buying – no new motor for me,
especially of the big American gas-guzzling three,
GM, Chrysler and Ford,
down on their uppers with just one accord,
the first lost its Europe, after Chapter 11 ashes
Chrysler found Italy to save a few blushes and Ford,
good old Ford, just about held its sway
but never again, the American way.
It’s important to learn how economies got sick
Tell you what I’ve learned. Learned how to get rich.
Bought a new press and, if you please,
I’m printing and printing to quantitatively ease.
Using new money to buy up their bonds
that have to be auctioned to finance the debt wood
created by filling a banking black hole
caused by securities packaged though not understood.
Whirligig, whirligig – big hairy beast,
Wealth has just tilted, tilted due EAST.
Jgs – copyright reserved
Pearl of the week
“I don’t think there’s any reason why everyone is going to suddenly feel much better. But I don’t think they’re going to feel much worse.”
Sir Stuart Rose – Executive Chairman, Marks & Spencer plc
